So Begins More Toiling

Simulposted in Fool/Guitar and Wends. Fool/Guitar note: I am not sure what'll happen now that I'm also attempting to learn the piano. It's difficult enough to post about guitar, what with my lack of knowledge and inability to sing, so I can hope that the piano is harder and I won't be any to say anything.




Well, they say idle hands make decisions dull, and I think my hands must be very idle. You see, there is song in my Jeremiah 17:9 heart, and aside from song, a feeling that I won't quite be right until I learn...the dread instrument.

There is a certain pastor that did a very nice series on music. As he went on describing a bit of music theory, I found myself captivated, even if I didn't understand it. I especially liked his rant on how you can flat the 4th and the 5th and make a different genre of music. I was reminded of some lovestruck fool that can't understand what on earth their lovestriker is talking about, but is nevertheless captivated. Not that I'm in love with the guy. Oh, great, just what I need.


Anyway, it all started last Wednesday. I don't remember most of it, except that somehow I walked away with the objective of learning the piano.

...thus, with my mostly fabricated mission um, materialized, I set out with no official directive. My first step was to contact the Saints in California, as my manner is. I went through my usual middleman, and the kin folk said, "Kev, send my sister an email!" so I loaded up Gmail and wrote out a note and now I'm waiting for my Texas tea. Understand?

In the email, I posed two questions: firstly, keyboard-wise, what do I need to begin? Secondly, how do I begin?

I venture a bold assumption that you don't need many keys to learn the basics. As for beginning, I think a book/CD program should work, as it would seem logical to me that discussing complex mathematical formulas is not something to do while paying someone $50 an hour at a house that smells like antifreeze. If...if antifreeze has a scent. Does it? All I know is that it tastes great and is shiny.



That happened over the last few days. Today, I set my sights. My target: The only pianist I know.

Long story short, I stalked and cornered her and began as I usually do when people need knocking off guard. "Mrs. Manny Hitman!" I said. "You can play the piano. I want to play the piano, too!" We talked for what must have been four hours, and eventually she convinced me that she can't play hymns.

I then asked her what kind of piano I need: 50 key, 60 key, 76 key, 88 key? She affirmed that 88 key is too much for non-classical, but as she does not play hymns, she doesn't know what range is needed. And she doesn't like keyboards. I understand.


I asked her the basics of learning, expressing my mystifi...mys...inability to comprehend the perplexities of singling out and striking sets of three differing keys at once in rapid succession and with apparent accuracy. I don't think she quite understood me; it is a difficult thing to explain when you know how to play and there's a noob clinging to you and it... it just... won't... let... go!


Something needed doing, and we had already been talking for more than fourteen hours, so we parted ways. I went to what I think is my thinking chair to try to absorb what she said. I'll shorten this now and say that as a direct result of skillful cunning of her own, I now can take pictures like this:


Thanks! I'm borrowing it, and I should be able to tell if I have the mystical musical talent within a short time. It's going OK. Already, I can finger what is known as the most useless chord:

OK. From what I can tell, that's Gb Ab A G C E F G#...and I think the chord name for that is Gb/AMaug5#b, which would be pronounced "Gee-flat over A Major augment the 5th sharp-flat." Sounds like a useless chord to me.

My main goal is to learn the keys. I don't know how to do this, and I may be a bit in a bind until I get word from th---


ECHO, NO!

Changing Strings for the First Time and It's Off

Seeing's how I'm now playing in front of people and increasingly in the proximity of my family, I thought it necessary to change the strings. I don't want one to break and kill one of them, and I don't want to be brought to my knees screaming as a string breaks and slices my kidney in half.

Enlisting the help of my dad (who has experience changing guitar strings), I set out to accomplish this feat. It's actually really simple; I was concerned that it sounded too easy. It really is as easy as it sounds, and that's what I wish someone had told me.





I was recommended Martin & Co. (Est. 1833!) Marquis 80/20 bronze .012-.054's by Tad, the guy who rang up my order when I bought my guitar.

Beeyutiful. (Sic.) Yeah, pink and (this shade of) purple pull on my heartstrings, what of it?

I'm totally sold on Martin now, and that will be my future "I'm actually a real guitarist" guitar. I'm planning to skip the $600, $800, and $1,800 stages so I only have my FG700S dreadnaught and a GG cutaway by the name of Samus. It of course has to be a blond (i.e., natural wood finish). Of course. And secretly, I'll put green, red, and orange stickers on the inside, fastened lovingly with gelatin glue, and we'll grow old together and have jam sessions after every completed Metroid game, and I'll learn all the Metroid songs. And paint pictures of us. With swings. Oh, but listen to me go on.

They're about $7 a set. I need to keep a few sets on hand. I think I will try the .013-.056's next- they're not that much bigger, right? And they come in a really neat blue box.




I didn't have a string winder, but it's not difficult to do without one. I think it even made it less nerve-wracking. Here are the resources I found most useful: this great, one-printer-page guide found on McCabe's Guitar Shop in California's website, and the restringing guide from Frets.com which has more pictures and description but is obviously longer.


And of course, here's how I did it.

After letting the tension off of the string, we used needle-nose pliers to get the pin out, because it's a new guitar and they're hard to take out by hand when it's new. Should be easier next time. Note that my dad used a cloth so as not to scratch the pegs and he didn't try to crush them. He used this time to tell me more of his string changing career. Turns out, his dad used to play guitar in church, too. I guess it runs in the family. They went to a Christian Satanist church. Weird, huh?


I replaced them one string at a time since it was my first change, and I don't think my fret board needs a deep cleaning this soon. I don't have a fear of taking them all off at once otherwise.

This is what the pins look like.


Go look at one of my provided links for details on what happens inside the guitar; basically, you put the ball end of the string into the hole, then push the pin in.

Now to the other side. Slowly, my dad revealed that he didn't actually have a guitar with strings, but line. Fishing line. But he did have six gauges.


Put the string through, then pull it taut. Then, measure about an inch and a half past where the string comes out of the gear, and let that inch and a half back through. (Depending on how you like to wind your strings, it could be 1", 1 1/4", or 1 1/2"). Then put a kink in it, then thread it under, like in the above photo. Then (and I forgot to do this) bend the string up. This will keep it locked into place and it would have made the process much easier for me. You can clip it at this point so that only an inch or so is sticking up. That would have made my life easier last night.

Then you simply turn the gear, taking care to wind the string onto the peg in a manner that looks right. I wind going down instead of up. It seems righter. I wound one of my strings backwards, and as a result, it was pushing against one of the pegs. I had to undo it and certainly it will snap one of these days very soon. Drat. I'll change my strings out again sooner thanks to my paranoia.


And, that's it. Repeat six times. Here are the links again: the one page guide, and the longer guide. I'll post a final edition of "How I change strings" once I can wind them flawlessly and look good doing it.


That guitar has never singed as brightly. The brightness goes away fast, but it still sounds better. And I was beginning to have a small problem with buzz, and I think the new strings fixed it. Oh, and it's off. To the shop. I'll make a post about that a bit later. (And I'll try to post more, I've been too busy making sure what I'll be posting is correct. I.e., I've been learning.)

First Church Performance

I went to a Memorial Day party over the weekend, Saturday to be exact. There, me and my guitar teacher/"cohort", David dataDyne, played a few hymns to entertain the masses. It just so happens that one of the hymns I played was going to be sang Sunday in church. Therefore, Pastor told me I could provide the music if I wanted to.

I spent all night (about 10 minutes) practicing and pacing. Mr. dataDyne would not be there; he and his family were out forsaking the assembly. Thereforeuntoheretoforth, it was up to me. Pastor all of a sudden- I basically did not see it coming- said "HERE'S KEV TO PLAY! They played yesterday and, well, they sound OK. There should be a cohort with him next week."

I was stunned! In hindsight, it was all a very natural progression, I guess I thought I would be waiting until everyone left to play. I stood up and donned my guitar with not a shred of nervousness. Then it happened. I saw everyone.

The following is a factual account of what happened.


Somehow, the room seemed hotter. There were lights in my face somehow. I saw everyone in a hue of yellow, like when you come inside from not wearing sunglasses and staring at the sun. I began getting nervous. My heart rate increased. Hold on- let me get my notes. Ah. Next, I started feeling a burning sensation as the butterfly in my stomach began doing loop-de-loops and, from what I can tell, howling. It must have been a Wolf Butterfly. Or maybe it was a banshee butterfly come to wail and moan at me.

My reflexes increased 300%. Just imagine- if I had to go pee, I would have been operating 3,300% faster. I stood there. They stared. "Hey, I'd like to wish my mom a happy birthday," I said. I had already gotten permission to do so. It was her birthday, so I don't think I was out of line.


Then Chris Hitman said something.

Then I said, "Yeah, I'm nervous, and it's YOUR fault!" looking back, the timing was really bad, and I was stalling to get my nerves, but I had to say something. I did bad on that part.

Pastor asked me if I was OK. I said, "Yeah, I'm just nervous." "OK." And about 10 seconds later, I was juuuust about to start. I was unsure of how to. It's like pulling the trigger on an animal to execute it. It's very difficult anticipating it...and the nerves just make it hard to do. And it's super-tough looking at everyone when they're sitting down. You're just not used to that vantage point.

Then Pastor started the singing. Then I was fine and began playing along. I hit most of the chords, and I was moving so fast, the ones I did miss I recovered from within a half of a split second. I only missed the D in a GDC transition and I think the C in a GCGD transition. Or chord movement, I don't know what it's called. I think I did OK. My secret? I didn't look at anyone. Whew.


Everyone politely clapped once the hymn was over. I went and sat down, shell-shocked. On the way there, I said "Don't clap; just throw money...uh, to the accountant, not me."

It was nervous. It was horrific. I had stage fright, but I did it! I text messaged David dataDyne telling him of my accomplishment. He asked me what I played, I told him. I gave him a call afterwards and told him everything about it. He was at some diner with his wife because he had to work on their anniversary and he was making up for it.

"Hi, D, is it a good time to talk?"
"Actually Kev, we're at Olive Gar-"
"Oh! Is Lisa there?"
"Yes, Kev, b-"
"Tell her I said hi! Anyways, here's how it went..." and I told him how it went over the next 40 minutes. He said his food was getting cold, so I had to go.


I didn't realize it at the time, but I was shaking while playing.

Then Doug Carrot Top said that he's played the guitar since he was 19- he's around 40 now! He hadn't played in a year, though.

In the words of Mr. dataDyne. "He made me feel like an idiot."


After a year of not playing the guitar, he was able to form coherent melody. Then, I found out that he had a spare guitar that we could let sit in church for no particular reason. That saved the church about $100. His wife, Sheila, spoke up: "Yeah, we'll put it in the offering box."

The offering box is smaller than a mailbox...a guitar is not going in there. Then they informed me that it's a miniature guitar. I guess it's a functional paperweight, we'll see. I may try to get him onto the stage with us, but he's been so busy he hasn't played for a year so...he probably won't have enough time for that. Still, I barrel towards my goal of abolishing the dread Hymn Box 200. It knows what's coming, and it doesn't like it one bit.



Like I said in Post #1, once we begin playing, everyone else will fall into line. My dad's already fallen, and yesterday, we bought him a flute. He's going to take up his old childhood instrument and probably start playing with us late October. And Manny, the Hitman's wife, will surely join us soon. Her response has gone from an incredulous "What?" to simply a look of sober acceptance of her destiny.


See you Wednesday, Manny.

Metroid Prime Theme

I happened upon a neat enough site about a month ago called Game Tabs. That's Game Tabs with a .net, ya hear?

While certainly not a complete library, it may still contain something you'd like to learn. Me? I'd like to learn some Metroid songs. Metroid has special songs. It's a part of the series that make you wonder just how closely God was working with the divers studios and directors. Meanwhile, Satan is hard at work on the enemies in Metroid. I figure it's a type of battleground for God and Satan.


While I sure would love tab for Phendrana drifts/the Magmoors- yeah, like that'll be simple- fools can't be choosers. So I decided to learn the theme song. You know the theme song, don't you? It's utterly recognizable and oh-so-Metroidy.

Here is the recording. It is extremely off (actually, it's one of the worst recordings I did, I don't know why I use it!), forgive me, I've been playing for the last hour, and the tips of my marshmallows resemble miniature fingers. My arms and wrists and forearms and shoulders are cramping, and oh, this is the best I can do for now, OK? I would strongly suggest listening to my recording for laughs, then going to the above link (or here) to listen to the actual song and play along to that.






And of course, here is the tab, via Gametabs.net (I changed the format a bit to make it easier):


--5---3---8---0---|----------0---5---|------------------|------------------| ------------------|---6--------------|---------------6--|------------------| ------------------|------------------|---6---7---5------|-------5---4------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|---7--------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------|

--5---3---8---0---|----------0---5---|------------5---7-|---8---8---7------| ------------------|---6--------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|---6---7----------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------|

--5---5---5---5---|---5---7--------5-|---5---5---5---5--|---7--------------| ------------------|-----------8------|------------------|-------8----------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------|

--5---5---5---5---|---5---7---8---10-|---10---10---10---|---10----8---7----| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------|

--5---5---5---5---|---5---7--------5-|---5---5---5---5--|---7--------------| ------------------|-----------8------|------------------|-------8----------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------|

--5---5---5---5---|---5---7---8---10-|---10---10---10---|---10----8---7----| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------| ------------------|------------------|------------------|------------------|

It's pretty simple, but here's how I do it (remember, just because you can do it with one or two fingers, doesn't mean that you should; you should use as many fingers as necessary and try to follow the "one finger per fret" rule.):

I begin with my ring finger on the 5th fret, and my index finger on the 3rd fret. I hit the 5th, then the 3rd, and this allows me to get to the 8th fret with my ring finger a bit faster. Then, since there's a short time you have to arrange your fingers (because the 0 isn't fretted), I place my ring finger on the second string, 6th fret and my middle finger on the third string, 6th fret. This leaves my index finger poised to pounce on the 0 and 5 on the first string.

Then, my middle finger is set to hit the 6-7-5 on the third string, and my ring finger is still on the second string to hit the 6 there. It's tricky, but I then bring my pinkie finger up to hit the 7th fret on the fourth string, and my middle finger is still in place to hit the 5-4 on the third string. You could manipulate your ring finger to hit the 7th on the fourth string, but I like the practice my pinkie gets. And it's quieter when it doesn't buzz.

The rest is fairly simple fingering-wise. I would really suggest alternate picking, especially on the 5-5-5-5-5 and 10-10-10-10-10. Also, a heavy gauge pick helps.


I did not use alternate picking, because this wasn't a practice session and I didn't have time to perfect alternate strumming (I'm a horrible guitarist!). The end product is not as good as a result and, honestly, why did I use that recording? There were others that were much better. I'll upload a better one in time, I swear. And I'll start posting some hymns to learn from, they're great.

Hours and hours and hours of "Hymning"

OK, so here's my newest trick: play hymns to learn to play the guitar.


If you didn't know, it works great. I'll have a series on this soon.



In a short while, I'll do nothing but spend countless, non-paid hours agonizing over what I can play and what's most important to practice...and suffering from periodic attacks of anxiety and jealousy if my archenemy, The Hymn Box 200, ever gets a hymn in edge-wise.



Since Mr. dataDyne, my guitar teacher, has "a real job, isn't a country hick, and doesn't have time to waste arranging hymns," the responsibility falls to my untrained ear to arrange chords to the hymns. I learned D7, and perfected my changing between and to Am, F (Mr. dataDyne says to just do F as 003210 instead of 003211), and C. One song requires a rapid Am, C, F, C, F, G and C which sounds cool in addition to being great practice.

I also learned A7, Dsus2 and G7 (A7 and Dsus2 are simpler than A and D, G7 is trickier than a C- I can hit C's pretty well now). Did I mention I did most of this today? Yes, yesterday I compiled a list of 15,260 hymns and am currently working my way through assigning chords to each song- though many already have simple chords. A few songs, despite their simplicity, sound amazing. That hymn box pales when compared to actual music- if one day I want to make the songs extremely sad, I can use minor chords.

If I want to make a normally sad song triumphant, I change the time a little and use all major chords and an alternate strum here and there (as long as it isn't sacrilegious). Don't even get me started on capo possibilities- cause I wouldn't go far, I don't have a capo. And as Mr. dataDyne says, "Hah. We don't sing as fast as they want us to...they sing as fast as we want them to."


I spent many hours today arranging hymns- I only got 5 hours of sleep- and it'll be many, many more sleepless days. I try to keep the hymns simple to play; this is involuntary. I've been playing 3 months now, so I can only play them if they're easy. It's actually getting to the point where I could add chords with no prior base of chords, allowing me to create my own hymns (songs), which I'll be doing sometime in the future. Can you say "sacrilege?" I think you can, it's only 3 syllables long.




Also important is to learn what the point of music in worship is, how to choose hymns, how songs overshadow themselves (i.e. indulge the flesh or become obsolete in their obscurity), the right heart attitude to have, biblical examples of worship and teaching through hymns/songs, why we should or shouldn't play contemporary worship songs (if they're intact retuned hymns? If they're not?), and the meaning behind songs- I also need to be taught how hymns direct an assembly and how to judge the assembly's acceptance of a song.

In short, I need to learn how to be a hymn leader. Three Hymn Leader class hymnists under the direction of the main leader will do better than a Hymn Leader class hymnist with a pair of Can't Sing Sally and Can't Play Danny classes. I'm certain it's not as complicated as I'm gearing myself up for. For sure, just being involved develops the skills through osmosis, but a crash course can't hurt. Mr. Bruckner likes teaching me about hymning, I might ask him. He is like a honeycomb, with many pockets of knowledge covered by wax.



On that last note (knowledge, that is), welcome to my new idea: Hymnfotainment! Yes! I feel certain hymns require an explanation (especially if they're not played often), for example, Holy, Holy, Holy. I had no idea what an[sic] seraphim was, so I asked Mrs. Brucker, the hymn leader's wife. He and she then explained it to me as best they could, then sent me what little information they could find on them. Result? I feel much more comfortable singing the hymn. I'm certain at least a few could benefit from this, and it might make others think about what they're singing.



Another example: why is it "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me"- what operation did a sound play in my salvation? Is grace a sound? Faith cometh by hearing, hearing by the word of God- how shall they believe on him of whom they have not heard, how shall they hear without a preacher (Rm. 10:17, 14)- but surely the blood was still the operation. I'll add this to my book I'm (not) writing: Parables, Difficult Theories, And Outright Confusing Lies to Ask Your Pastor.

Here Comes the Bride Tab

There are several versions, but I like the one I use here. Someday, I'll find the expanded ending, like (if memory serves) is present in the "original."

I used this tab, found at 911Tabs. Specifically, this link:


e|-------------------------------------------------------| b|-------------------------------------------------------| G|-------3--3---3(b)-----------5--5---3(b)---------------| D|--3(b)-----------------3(b)----------------------------| A|-------------------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------------------|

e|-------------------------------------------------------| b|-------------------------------------------------------| G|-------3-5-5/8---3--0-----3--3---3(b)------------------| D|--3(b)----------------3--------------------------------| A|-------------------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------------------|


The legend states:

/ = slide (but I instead bend)
(b) = bend (but I instead bend it up and down- I am unsure what this is called. It's, y'know, bending up and down in an alternating fashion. I didn't quite grasp tab completely at the time I learned this, which was a month ago. This makes the above tab kind of difficult to grasp for awhile, until I find out what that's called. Probably "alternate bending" or something.)

Compensating for those changes here is the tab I used for the song:

e|-------------------------------------------------------| b|-------------------------------------------------------| G|-------3--3---3(ab)-----------5--5---3(ab)-------------| D|--3----------------------3-----------------------------| A|-------------------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------------------|

e|-------------------------------------------------------| b|-------------------------------------------------------| G|-------3-5-5(b)8---3--0-----3--3---3(ab)---------------| D|--3---------------------3------------------------------| A|-------------------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------------------|

Tab legend:

(ab) = "alternate bend" bend up and down rapidly; this is not an official name or sign. I'll find out what it's called.
(b) = bend

As you can tell in the below video, I still can't quite grasp this extremely easy song after a month of regular practice. Yeah...but I'm learning the MP1 theme music. (More on that later- suffice it to say, it's lots more difficult than this.)




My adoring fans. I hope they don't do this to me at church!

Officially, slide means to move quickly to a higher/lower fret (i.e. from the 5th to the 8th), but I thought "slide" meant to bend. Bend means to, while holding the string down, "bend" the string up or down to achieve a different pitch. Think about it: as you push it down (down as in from the 3rd string toward the 2nd string) a quarter inch or so, it tightens the string, thus smoothly increasing the tension, thus changing the pitch. See an actual, detailed article about this.

Now for my pitiful explanation...ahem: For example, I was doing 5(b)8 instead of 5/8. I should have held the 5, then, very quickly, moved down to the 8th fret (all of this is occurring on string G- the 3rd string, remember?) That's a slide.

Instead, I struck the 5th fret, then, while holding the string down, pushed the string close to the 2nd string, adding a neat rising and lowering effect. That's a bend. It sounds very controlled and delicate in this particular song. Experiment and you should get it...again, hold the string down, then push it down toward another string, you should see what I mean. 5(b)8 means to bend the string until it sounds like it's the 8th fret- thus identifying for you how much to bend it. I think this is why I was confused- the 3(b) does not tell you how much to bend it, so my mind went "IMPROVISE, IMPROVIIICE!"


Aside from misunderstanding the slide sign (/), I thought that the "bend" in the tab legend meant to push the string up and down as in a bend- in this case, using the 3rd string, 5/8 example, you'd move the string down toward the 2nd string (string, not fret) and up toward the 4th several times in rapid fashion. It makes the string sound more lively. And it's fun to do- you may not be able to do it at first, but you'll develop the strength in a short amount of time. It will come naturally. Then you'll get faster, or so I hear.

I do not know what the signal/sign for this particular move is, and I don't know what it's called. I like my substitutions more than the original tab, and I don't think that makes me a bad person. Tell me if you like the original more than mine. The original or mine? Or "other"?

I've got the newspaper, come fetch the newspaper? Over here! Newspaper! Choose me!


At least choose "other"!!!

Happy Birthday Tab

Disclaimer: I am in no way a tabmaker. This is simply the version I use, which works.


Today, we'll learn how to do a basic version of "Happy Birthday." If you didn't know, it's copyrighted. Isn't that strange? I found this on some random tab site suffering from psychosis. I forget where, but thanks, random tab site suffering from psychosis.

e|---------------------------------3-0---------1-1-0---------|
B|-----------1-0----------3-1----------1-0------------1-3-1--|
G|--0-0-2-0-------0-0-2-0------0-0----------2----------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------------|
A|-----------------------------------------------------------|
E|-----------------------------------------------------------|


And uh, the words. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear stupid, happy birthday to you.


I always say "dear stupid" when I practice the song. It makes me laugh when I finally play it, because I want to say "dear stupid."